Meaning of Ephesians 6:4

This verse from Ephesians 6:4 instructs fathers, and by extension all parents, to raise their children in a manner that fosters spiritual growth and maturity, rather than through methods that cause bitterness or discouragement. The imperative "do not exasperate" (Greek: erethizō) suggests provoking or irritating to the point of anger or rebellion, implying that harsh, unreasonable, or overly demanding parenting can be detrimental to a child's well-being and their relationship with their parents and God. Conversely, "bring them up in the training (paideia) and instruction (nouthesia) of the Lord" emphasizes a holistic approach that includes discipline, correction, education, and guidance grounded in God's principles, aiming to shape their character and understanding of faith.

Context and Background

Ephesians 6:1-9 addresses the reciprocal responsibilities within household relationships, following the instructions given to wives and husbands in the preceding verses. Paul is addressing the social and familial structures of the Greco-Roman world, where patriarchal authority was the norm. However, his instruction to fathers is not to wield unchecked power but to exercise their authority with wisdom and love, reflecting God's own fatherly care. The concept of paideia encompassed not only discipline but also education and moral upbringing, while nouthesia referred to admonition, correction, and instruction aimed at shaping behavior and thought.

Key Themes and Messages

• Prohibition of Provocation: The core negative command is to avoid actions that lead children to become resentful, discouraged, or rebellious. This can manifest as excessive criticism, unrealistic expectations, favoritism, or a lack of empathy.
• Positive Mandate for Nurturing: The positive command is to actively engage in the spiritual upbringing of children. This involves consistent teaching, loving discipline, godly example, and guiding them in understanding and living according to God's ways.
• The Lord as the Standard: The "training and instruction of the Lord" signifies that the ultimate model and source for parenting is God Himself. This implies that parents should emulate God's character—his love, patience, justice, and wisdom—in their parenting.

Spiritual Significance and Application

This verse is profoundly significant for Christian parenting, underscoring that raising children is not merely a social or biological duty but a spiritual one. It calls parents to be agents of God's redemptive work in their children's lives, nurturing them in faith and character. The application involves intentionality in teaching biblical truths, modeling Christian living, establishing consistent and loving discipline, and fostering an environment where children feel safe, loved, and encouraged to grow in their relationship with God. It's a call to balance authority with grace.

Relation to the Broader Biblical Narrative

The instruction finds its roots in the Old Testament, where God commanded parents to diligently teach their children His statutes (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). Jesus' own affirmation of children and his admonition against causing them to stumble (Matthew 18:6) also resonate with this principle. Furthermore, the concept of God as a loving Father who disciplines His children for their good (Hebrews 12:5-11) provides the ultimate theological framework for this parental responsibility. The New Testament emphasis on the church as a spiritual family also informs how parents are to raise their children within the community of faith.

Analogies

• Gardening: Parenting can be likened to gardening, where the soil needs to be prepared (not exasperating), seeds of truth need to be sown and watered (training and instruction), and weeds of sin need to be carefully managed with loving care (discipline). The gardener aims to cultivate a healthy and fruitful plant that reflects the gardener's skill and the plant's inherent potential.
• Sculpting: A sculptor shapes raw material with precision and care. Parents, too, are called to shape their children's character, not by brute force, but by patient, guided, and informed work, revealing the potential beauty and strength within, guided by a divine blueprint.

Relation to Other Verses

• Colossians 3:21: "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." This verse is a close parallel, reinforcing the warning against exasperation.
• Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." This proverb highlights the long-term impact of godly upbringing.
• Hebrews 12:5-11: This passage discusses God's fatherly discipline, which, though painful at the time, yields "a harvest of righteousness and peace" for those who have been trained by it, mirroring the purpose of parental discipline.
• Ephesians 6:1-3: The preceding verses address children's obedience to parents, establishing a reciprocal relationship of respect and responsibility.