Meaning of Colossians 3:19

This verse from Colossians 3:19 provides a direct and foundational instruction for husbands within the Christian marital relationship, emphasizing both active affection and the avoidance of detrimental behavior. The apostle Paul, writing to the church in Colossae, is addressing practical aspects of Christian living within various social structures, including the family. The command to "love your wives" is not a passive sentiment but an active, volitional choice, rooted in the self-sacrificial love exemplified by Christ. This love is to be expressed in a way that nurtures and cherishes the wife, mirroring God's love for His people. Conversely, the prohibition "do not be harsh with them" forbids cruelty, bitterness, and any form of emotional or physical abuse, underscoring the sacredness and dignity of the marital union.

Context and Background

Colossians was written by Paul while he was imprisoned, likely in Rome, around 60-62 AD. The letter addresses a syncretistic heresy that was subtly influencing the church in Colossae, blending elements of Judaism, Gnosticism, and possibly Eastern mysticism. Paul's response is to re-center their understanding on the supremacy and sufficiency of Christ. Within this broader theological framework, Paul then pivots to practical instructions for Christian conduct, often referred to as "household codes" or "household management." These sections (Colossians 3:18-4:1) address the roles and responsibilities of wives, husbands, children, parents, slaves, and masters, all framed within the new life believers have in Christ. The instruction to husbands thus appears within a section dealing with relational responsibilities in the Christian community and household.

Key Themes and Messages

The primary themes are agape love (unconditional, self-sacrificing love) and the prohibition of harshness. This is not merely a suggestion but a divine imperative. The emphasis is on the husband's responsibility to actively cultivate and express love, and to actively refrain from actions that would harm or demean his wife. This implies a commitment to her well-being, emotional security, and spiritual growth. The negative command ("do not be harsh") is as crucial as the positive one ("love"), highlighting that a relationship characterized by Christian love must inherently exclude abusive or unkind behavior.

Spiritual Significance and Application

Spiritually, this verse calls husbands to emulate Christ's love for the Church, which is described in Ephesians 5:25 as sacrificial and purifying. The application is practical: husbands are to prioritize their wives' needs, communicate with kindness and respect, and actively work against any tendency towards anger, impatience, or cruelty. This requires self-awareness, humility, and a reliance on the Holy Spirit to empower them to live out this command. It signifies that a Christian marriage is a spiritual partnership, where both partners are called to reflect God's character in their interactions.

Relation to the Broader Biblical Narrative

This instruction fits within the overarching biblical narrative of God's covenant love and His desire for redeemed humanity to live in loving relationships. From the creation account where man and woman are made for companionship, to the prophetic visions of restored relationships, the Bible consistently portrays love and fidelity as foundational. In the New Testament, Jesus affirms the sanctity of marriage, and Paul's epistles consistently integrate theological truths with ethical imperatives for daily living. This verse serves as a specific application of the principle that those united in Christ should reflect His love and character in their most intimate relationships.

Analogies

• Gardener and Garden: A husband's love for his wife can be likened to a gardener's care for a precious garden. He doesn't just let it be; he actively tends to it, watering, weeding, and nurturing its growth. Harshness would be like trampling the flowers or neglecting the soil.
• Shepherd and Flock: The husband is called to lead and protect his wife, much like a shepherd cares for his flock, ensuring their safety and well-being. Harshness would be a failure in this protective and nurturing role.
• Builder and Foundation: A loving husband builds up his wife, strengthening her, while harshness can be like chipping away at the foundation of their relationship, making it unstable.

Relation to Other Verses

• Ephesians 5:25: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." This is a parallel passage that provides the ultimate model and motivation for a husband's love.
• 1 Peter 3:7: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect, as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing may hinder your prayers." This verse reinforces the call for consideration and respect, adding the dimension of shared inheritance in grace.
• Proverbs 12:18: "The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." This proverb highlights the destructive power of harsh words, which directly contrasts with the healing nature of true love described in Colossians.
• Galatians 5:22-23: The fruit of the Spirit includes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are the very qualities that enable a husband to fulfill the command to love his wife and avoid harshness.